Here I am, late again. While mother was upstairs banging away on the floor with her cane, I was trying to get ready for work. I, Stanford M. Braverman, am an idiot. No doubt about that one. And you want to know the funny thing? I think I enjoy it. Maybe I am a sucker, I've been told that before. All I want to do is go. Go where? I don't know. Anywhere except here in this decrepit little hole of an apartment with my decrepit little mother upstairs, monitoring me. I am pathetic.

So, as I was saying, here I am, late again. It's only 8:15 as I fly into the pharmacy, hoping, praying that Dr. Stavros, the pharmacist, isn't in yet. And what do you know? This being my lucky day, he is. Of course, I get the evil eye as I come through the door.

"Sorry sir, my mother is sick and..."

"Cut it out, Braverman. We all know how your mother yanks you around. Quit making excuses for her, and for Christ's sake, grow up!! I can't take you being late all the damn time. You either get here at 8 sharp, or just don't come in!" Stavros barked.

I wanted to scream at him, to tell him to shut that hole in his face, but Stan Braverman doesn't do that. Stan Braverman smiles and nods like a little girl, and that's what I do now, smile and nod...like a little girl.

Well, the day is flying by even though only for people have come in. That's kind of strange, since we are in a hospital. One lady came in looking for Excedrin. She was all dressed in black and wasn't all that bad-looking. Just not my type. Well, now that I think about it, I really don't even have a type.

Another person came in looking for vitamins. His name was Rick. I know this because he paid with a credit card. I like looking at people's names. The other two who came in had pretty unique names. I say unique because if I say that they have strange names, it makes me look bad. Anyway, one guy's name was Napoleon Cromwell . And I thought Stanford M. Braverman was bad. The other guy was named Sedrick something or another. I couldn't read his last name. I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out his first name after he left. I waited until I saw him walk out of the hospital before I pulled his credit slip out of the cash drawer. I didn't want him to see me looking at his name. He might think I'm weird.

Mr. Stavros just told me that there was a major accident on the freeway and Willie, the other assistant here, would be late. I turn on the news and there it is, a big traffic jam on the freeway. I bet all those people on their lunch breaks are getting mad. The news woman said that one of the drivers suffered major head injuries and he was being transported to the hospital. I haven't told you this yet, but after work I sometimes go to a karaoke lounge, where I sit there and make fun of people in my head. I like gin and tonics, although Mother says I drink way too many. I hardly think one a night is "way too many," but just so I don't upset her, I make sure that I suck on BreathSavers (Wint-O-Green) before I go home. Anyway, after I leave the karaoke bar, I come back to the hospital and go to the ICU where I talk to the coma patients. Talking to people who can't talk back is a real stress-reliever. Perhaps you should try it sometime...

OK, five o'clock is here and I am heading to Vick's Karaoke and Lounge for some fun and a g. & t.

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