Grieving Students
 

August 15, 2007

Dear University School Faculty,

With the death of Ms. Kim Roberts, many students and adults are experiencing a huge sense of loss.  Several requests have been made for more information on how to support your students, especially in light of your own grief.  Below are some guidelines for talking to children about death and for supporting children through the grief process.  If you find that you want or need additional information or support, then please ask Aleeta Shaw to refer you to local counselors who will be on stand-by for just this reason.

 

Supporting Children through the Grief Process:

• Acknowledge the loss.

Pay attention to the spoken and unspoken needs of the children.  If you sense that the students need to talk about Ms. Roberts, then please make the time for this important discussion.  Sometimes all that is needed is an acknowledgment that “We miss her” or “It is hard to be here.”

• Validate the children’s feelings.

When you hear a child speak about his/her feeling, validate the feeling without judging it.  You may hear some children express feelings that make you uncomfortable or angry.  Recognize that you do not have to fix the problem or justify the way that you responded at the time of emergency.  Give the students the space for their feelings and make space for your feelings as well.

• Provide the children with accurate, age-appropriate information.

Children want and need factual information in order to understand what happened and in order to understand why the adults in their lives are responding in a certain way.  Avoid using euphemisms or cliché expression.  Euphemisms often confuse or scare children and cliché expression are often interpreted as flip or unsympathetic.

• Model healthy, coping strategies.

Healthy coping strategies include crying, talking about one’s feelings, reducing stressors, honoring the deceased and creating mourning rituals.  Let the children see you mourn by acknowledging the loss of Ms. Roberts and the difficulty you may experience resuming your daily activities.  Children do not need or want many personal details; however, they do benefit from knowing that you too suffer are struggling with the loss of your friend and colleague.

• Be flexible.

While it is important to maintain a normal routine at time when everyone’s world has been turned upside down, allowing room to mourn is essential.  Give yourself the time and the space to mourn.

• Minimize stressors.

Many students are having difficulty concentrating and focusing on their studies.  Suspending tests and major projects for this week will help students acclimate to their loss.  Grades often suffer while a student is grieving; therefore, minimizing academic expectations for the initial grieving period helps students ease back into hectic pace of school life.