SPRING BREAK 2000

Beach

    The first thing to do in Key West is to check out the beautiful beaches, and that is just what Sara and I done. We hopped in our rented Beamer convertible in search of a secluded paradise of our own. Along the roadside we saw a fat guy with a shirt that said, "My name is Mahi-Mahi." What a loser. We stopped at a red light and a guy named Adam tried to tell us we needed to be saved before we went to hell. Key West seemed to be full of weirdos.

    We found a beach and settled down in the hot sun. We were well-prepared.  We had a portable blender, electric ice cooler, liquor-mix, and liquor - pretty much a portable bar. I mixed up some frosty daiquiris and let my troubles fade.  I watched the brilliant ocean lap against the shimmering sand; over and over, with only the interruption of an occasional flashing fish disturbing its rhythm.  

     I was just about lulled to sleep when an unknown bleeding man penetrated our idyllic lagoon paradise.   He came from the trees quickly and he grabbed on to Sara's leg.  

    "EIIIIIII!" I screamed.

    "Help me." the bleeding man grunted.

    Scared and bewildered, I scrambled in the sand to grab our beach bags and our quasi portable bar equipment.  It was then, that I saw two figures hurdling small trees and approaching quickly. 

    I grabbed Sara's arm, trying to get her away from the man, so she would follow me to the car.

      Sara said, "Ari, we can't just leave him, we must get him some help.  Why are we leaving like this?"  

    Angrily, I replied, "Sara, there are two men hurdling trees and they are headed straight for us!  I think we better get the hell out of here now!"

    Finally, Sara jumped in the Beamer.  We frantically drove away, hoping to put distance between the scary hurdlers and us.

    The two men breathlessly reached the road as the girls sped off. 

   "Did you get the plate?" the burly one asks.

   "Oh yeah.  Those girls are dead." replied the other.