A Quarterly Newsletter

Understand Differences, Develop Empathy To Communicate Better

There is no formula for empathy. It almost never comes as a bolt out of the blue, like being struck by lightening. Almost always it is a determined process of chipping away at those things you do not know or understand about the other person.

According to Hendrie Weisinger, Ph.D., author of Emotional Intelligence at Work, "How successfully a team, department or group functions is directly related to how effectively the members communicate with one another in group situations."

Sometimes this can be difficult, since it takes time and effort to learn to communicate well with any one person. Usually there are hot spots, sensitive issues, past problems, all of which must be successfully navigated in conversation. However, knowing that problem solving, resolving conflict, and building teams can all be accomplished through effective communications, it is critical to try to build those bridges in the workplace.

Therapists, who try to understand their patients, talk about "listening with the third ear." This indicates a certain extraordinary attentiveness, not just to what is stated explicitly, but to what is implicit as well. It means paying attention to context, body language, mood, values and aspirations. All of these elements are interwoven in communication and the ability to "stop, look and really listen" to those around you, will make you a better manager and ultimately, a better leader. All good leaders are able to communicate their goals. To make sure your audience is really hearing you, you must try to understand and empathize with them on a somewhat deeper level, to know how to articulate your goals in a way that will resonate with them, based on their individual value system.

One example of the kinds of contrasts that can exist among workers lies in the generational gap among those who work side by side in the same organization or company. The past four generations of American workers, as well as many of us within those generations, have sharply different world views, values, seminal events and workstyles and one must manage the inherent conflicts between them.

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Generations At Work, written by Rob Zemke, Bob Filipczak, and Claire Raines, draws sharp differences in the mind- sets of different generations. In essence, the Veterans are the patriotic generation, traditional, hard working, they resist change and see work as more structured and hierarchal. They like American cars, golf clubs and mixed drinks. Having been through the Depression, they save and pay cash. What they read, what they enjoy, and how they relate to the workplace is vastly different from the optimistic, trendy, workaholic Baby Boomers who drive a BMW, and pay with plastic or the tech savvy, informal Xers who think globally, embrace diversity, look for balance and rely on pragmatism.

You are not likely to convince a Baby Boomer by appealing to "duty." Baby Boomers go for success and all the outward symbols to convey it. Nipping at their heels are the Nexters who live high-stress, fast-paced lives, whose heroes are Michael Jordan, Mark McGraw and Sammy Sosa, who multi-task and are computer whizzes. All require different types of communication, keying in on their individual values. Boomers and Xers, for example, are worlds apart when viewing such workplace issues as how many hours should make up a work week. In a sense, this difference is a metaphor for all of us who see life and work through different and highly individualized lenses.

Some things hold true for all of us. Tact, diplomacy, courtesy and enthusiasm are generally sought after by everyone. Constructive feedback is usually welcome if we see that accepting and acting on it improves both our work and our position.

It is helpful to remember that not everyone is driven or a perfectionist and there is room for them too. Rewards are different for different people. To some, getting a new position with more responsibility is a reward. To others, a day off is a reward. Learn which person you are talking to, if you want to get results.

There is no formula for empathy. It almost never comes as a bolt out of the blue, like being struck by lightening. Almost always it is a determined process of chipping away at those things you do not know or understand about the other person. Like exercising every day, the attempt to understand, relate to and communicate with others is a process where you slowly build that capacity in you, just as you would build a muscle. Yet in the end, just as a toned body and good health can be the result of consistent exercise, the ability to really communicate and get others to join you in reaching your company's goals is the result of that slow building up of empathy. It is a result well worth achieving.

This article adapted from the AdvancingWomen.com web site.

~ How to extinguish burnout and grasp the extra energy to succeed

~ Which natural trait can zap your attitude . . . if you don't keep an eye on it

~ One unexpected strategy to put a smile on your face . . . and a zip in your attitude.

READING:

A Great Summer Pastime

Summer is a great time to start reading or just to catch up on some of those long-neglected novels. Join us this summer for the WRC Book Review Group, scheduled the third Wednesday of each month. This summer we have some great selections for discussion. See the WRC Calendar of Events.

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