|
 Finding
the Courage to Go for Your Dreams!
by
Dr. Ferne Cherne
When you reach one of
those critical points in your life and you want to take the alternative
route but staying stalled in the traffic jam on the freeway of life
is easier, how do you garner the courage to make that choice of strength?
When we think of courage,
most of us envision some Rambo figure charging through the jungle with
no fear or caution. The American fantasy. We know we can't approach
the Rambo level. But courage is being brave enough to do what you feel
is right. It is having the strength to do what you feel is right despite
fear, anxiety, moments of indecision, worry, weakness in the knees and
problems in the stomach. Courage does not mean conflicts do not appear
during the process.
There are many good
books encouraging and supporting courageous choices - from Women
Who Run With The Wolves to The Road Less Travelled
and its successor, to Marsha Sinetar's books on the self-actualized
life. These books extol the virtues of having the courage of one's convictions.
They are helpmates along the way. They help you have the strength to
take the turnoff onto your own road. But how do you get the energy or
fuel to keep going forth on that road? What can you do to increase your
strength, power and forward progress while lessening the negative influences?
The time in your life
when you will need the most strength, the most conviction and the most
courage may range from entering a new and risky career situation, to
seeking alternative or experimental solutions to health problems, to
remaking your lifestyle in a manner which is not even within the realm
of consideration of most people. How do you build up your psychological
and spiritual reserves while deflecting the attempts to undermine your
determination?
There are two basic parts
to constructing a framework to get you through your situation successfully:
increasing the positive and decreasing the negative.
To increase the positive energy or
influences, consider the following suggestions:
1. Take strength from role
models.
You may find these models in real life, in the written word, or in films.
Try all modalities. Look for risktakers in a variety of areas. Portraits
of courage will help even if the field or endeavor is different. There
will be times when you are feeling sorry for yourself, but think of
Helen Keller, or the life of Dian Fossey, and it will be hard to feel
too sorry for yourself. After all, you're not living with a bunch of
gorillas in the middle of a jungle.
Search out models. If you are going
to become a self-sufficient backwoods woman, look for models in publications
like Backwoods Home magazine or pick up copies
of Woodswoman or Beyond Black
Bear Lake by Anne LaBastille. Look up the lives of the
frontier women, or the first female doctor in the west. Look to real
life and the written word for inspiration from others who have gone
before you. Many a time, you will say to yourself -- if they can do
it, I can do it.
2. Sift through your circle
of acquaintances and friends.
There will be those who are positive, uplifting and supportive. Those
who are negative we will talk about later. Maintain substantial and
consistent contact with friends who give you positive energy. Meet for
breakfast or lunch. Talk frequently. If they are long distance, consider
your phone bill as a mental health expense.
Life is an exchange of energy. Select those people with whom you have
an equal exchange of energy. You can't afford to spend time with those
who drain your energy.
3. Nurture your spiritual
side.
Whether your belief system is a formalized religion, or a more amorphous
form, embrace it. Take sayings, proverbs, or beliefs that sustain you.
Make signs of those that have the most meaning for you and post them
on your bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator, on your dashboard. Make
your own notebook of inspirational quotes and read a portion of it each
day.
4. The physical side of energy.
Maintain or create an exercise regimen that is appropriate for you.
The physical movement will help keep your mind/body relationship in
balance. Don't allow the emotional, cognitive challenges to overwhelm
the physical. Select and maintain a healthy way of eating. Whether you
are a vegetarian or into natural foods, it is imperative that you feed
your body an abundance of healthy food. Your energy and optimism comes
both from your psychological/mind and your physical realm. Spend time
providing fuel for your journey.
Now that you have taken steps to increase the positive influences in
your life, what can you do to diminish or counteract the negative influences?
5. You will have to make
decisions regarding those people you choose to retain in your inner
circle.
Most people live in mundane worlds, or they try to. When events occur
that jar them into reality, they try to ignore it or suppress the aberration
in hopes it will disappear. This attitude doesn't exactly help our world
progress, but it is prevalent. When you attempt to embark on a journey
that deviates from the norm, it forces people to reflect on their own
lives. Rather than do a painful analysis of their own stuckness, it
is easier for them to cope if they negate your venture. These people
will be happy to be your pallbearers. As you build a foundation, they
will undermine it. While you need to look at and weigh all the variables
in your individual challenging situation, you don't need pessimism washing
away the sand from beneath your feet.
Screen and limit your social interaction
with the toxic types. This may include cutting back on social events
or occasions. Some groups of people, clubs, or gatherings can be playgrounds
for pessimistic remarks and you do not need to subject yourself to that.
Eliminate or put on hold those folks
who would be detrimental to your gathering strength. They aren't really
your "friends" if they are consistently discouraging. They
belong in the acquaintance category. Friends are support systems, not
demolition experts.
You are in charge of how much you
expose yourself to negative energy, vibes, or attacks. In terms of your
particular challenge, you will have some tough encounters you can't
avoid, so eliminate those over which you have control.
Those people who are not risktakers will not build up your energy level.
Could be Dian Fossey was better off working with gorillas than people!
6. The other negative person
you face is yourself.
When you are engaged in a life changing event, it is easy to ruminate
on any tiny detail. You wouldn't normally worry about some trivial thing,
but now that you are being courageous, under stress, you begin to question
yourself. You who have been successful for ten years in your field are
suddenly worried no one will like you, or no one will believe in you,
or you will fall on your face giving a presentation. Such regression
is understandable and is often the effect of the immensity of your current
challenge. Each time you start to doubt yourself, look at yourself.
Apply rationality to your thoughts. “If most of the choices in
my life have worked out well, why am I questioning my choice now?”
Look at each case, your doubts are usually not realistic, but the result
of the risk taking, challenging the road that you have chosen.
The rewards in life come from taking
the risk, taking on the challenges. Life safe from disturbance is more
like death. Whatever your goal, you do have the courage. Courage being
brave enough to do what you feel is right. Often it is hard and it tears
you up, but it is the right thing to do -- maybe not the politically
correct thing, the right thing. Surround yourself with all the energy
giving, supportive systems you can; from the written word, to the visual
medium, to friends. Take care of your body as your mind takes on the
challenges. And get all the hitchhikers off your road. Don't even slow
down for them. Keep right on going; you are doing the right thing. You
now have your ready mix package of courage. Many courageous women will
be there to meet you at the end of the road.
Dr. Ferne Cherne
is a freelance writer and psychologist living in California. Adapted
from the Voices of Women web site at voiceofwomen.com.
 “Self-Defense
for Women”
In today's world, ensuring
that your personal safety is not at risk can often be an overlooked
essential of life. Generally, just accomplishing the whirlwind of personal
and professional responsibilities facing us daily can be daunting.
To aid in developing
or refining those personal safety measures, Ruth Evers, co-owner of
Evers' TaeKwonDo PLUS, will return on February 11, 2004, for “Self-Defense
for Women.” Evers will discuss prevention and resistance
strategies, along with identifying patterns of sexual assault, during
this hands-on Lunch Break Seminar.
Evers has been training
since 1989, in the martial art of TaeKwonDo. She is a 5th degree certified
Black Belt and Criminal Countermeasures Rape Prevention Instructor.
Evers and her husband, Scott, not only provide training in the martial
art of TaeKwonDo, but also offer adult fitness training in a variety
of physical fitness programs at their North Roan Street location in
Johnson City.
Location for this seminar
is the East Tennessee Room, D.P. Culp University Center, at noon. For
additional information regarding this seminar, contact the Women’s
Resource Center at 423-439-7847.
 “Negotiation
Skills for Women”
Do
negotiations make you nervous so that you end up just settling for less?
Are you unsure of the techniques for successful negotiations? Do you
lack the confidence to negotiate for what you want? If any of these
questions sound familiar, then join us for the three-part series, “Negotiation
Skills for Women.” Margaret Kellogg, L.C.S.W., will
conduct the interactive series.
Scheduled for January 23, 30, and February 6, the series will provide
practical techniques that can be implemented whether you are negotiating
for that big raise, a promotion, or just buying a car. Kellogg will
share the top three secrets successful negotiators use, along with other
useful techniques that will better enable you to keep your focus under
pressure.
All
sessions will be held at the Women’s Resource Center, Panhellenic
Hall, basement suite 2, at noon. Reservations are required.
For additional information regarding this series, contact the Women’s
Resource Center at 423-439-7847.
 “Legal
Options for Women” Encore
During February 2004, Deborah Yeomans,
practicing attorney with Legal Services of Upper East Tennessee, Inc.,
will be back for a return run of “Legal Options for
Women.” Date for this Lunch Break Seminar is Tuesday,
February 24, 2004. Location and time, for this must-have seminar, is
the D.P. Culp University Center, Forum Room, at noon.
Topics to be discussed by Yeomans
will include legal options related to legalities surrounding divorce
and domestic violence situations. Also, child support specifics will
be addressed.
This Women’s Legal Series Seminar
is co-sponsored by the Counseling Center and Women’s Resource
Center. For more information concerning this Lunch Break Seminar, contact
Kim Bushore-Maki at 423-439-4841 or the Women’s Resource Center
at 423-439-7847.
March 2004
Women’s History Month Theme
“Women
– Inspiring Hope & Inspiration”
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Women’s
Health Series 